Saturday, October 15, 2011


And just to clarify, I'm not talking about the 'dream' dream job or dream holiday of that sort. I'm talking about the 'dream' dream. The real dream. The dreams that you get when you fall asleep and your conscious mind went blanked and your sub-conscious mind reigned over your own body.

I can for as far as I can remember, I had been dreaming like really creepy (and stupid) stuff. I still remember this one reccurring dream that I keep having as a child; ABDUCTED BY GOBLINS! And I'm sure they are goblins, not, you know, extra-terrestrials or anything, because, well they looked like goblins to me back then and it is a foregone conclusion that I've drawn upon myself that it is indeed mother-freaking goblins and not toyol or anything.

So in that particular dream of mine (I'm very much sure it is not a nightmare, I actually looked forward to having that dream, so that can't be a nightmare...) I was abducted by silhouettes and brought to the said silhouettes world, inside the shadows. And as I actually recalled, the shadow world is inside my house, we went out using the main door and the entrance is somewhat near the front door. And when we went through, they are people (goblins) doing experiments and stuffs, and the other furniture like the TV set and the couches went from normal to OM-FREAKING-G THAT'S HUGE like it was being magnified to I dunno what size. And then the TV just *flop* and fall and by then I should be up. Wait, I mean, by then I'm up.

This is just like one of those dream that I can actually recalled. There's a term for it. Lucid dreams. And the fact is that, in this sort of dream, you actually have a degree of control on what you're dreaming about; they also have like little training and exercises to train your conscious mind to take over control once you went lucid.

Some people even have nightmares. I also do. But usually we don't really remember what we dream, well actually, most of the time we don't. And the fact that some nightmares just stuck in your head actually means that it is a lucid dream, a dream that you can managed. But what people always seems to forget is the fact that dream just don't happen for no reason.

Many famous psychologist and psychoanalyst have deduced that dream is in fact a way of the body, to a certain degree, to unwind and relax. Dream are mostly consist of your subconscious mind and creativity, the creativity part is the one that is responsible for any weird a (and saucy *winkwink*) dream that you have once in a while. The father of Freudian, Sigmund Freud said that dream is our mind working its way to fulfill our wishes and all that. So you can always know why a person is very happy when he/she woke up the next morning.

But what struck me the most awesome and yet, not fully discovered part of the dream is the future telling part. I don't know about you guys, but I for once had experienced this somewhat like deja vu dreams, for ages! Well, not like I have one every other day, but yes, I have them for more than once! And it never failed to amazed me. 

These precognition dreams are very vivid, to the extent that I can say that they are some sort of lucid dream, but I can only control myself. Or rather, I think I can only hear myself, think, speak, hear myself think about what I see and smell. I can experience myself in that dream, but I don't have any control over them. And usually these dreams happened right before I wake up, and then it is embedded in my head.

Only to have me forgot about them until the said event happened.

And then I'll be like, 'OMG I've been here before!'. And yes, I have, and all the thing that I did/heard/said/saw/read/whatever is exactly the same as the one that I experienced in my dreams. Like, totally the same. And the dreams, they're not specific i.e. not only for places that I go, they can go as far as fanfics that I read.

Which to me, was like amazing. But for the last two days, it actually happened to me back-to-back. Last Thursday, it was a fanfic that I read, which, from my memory of the dream, had me going 'Why did you go and help that bad guy that bad guy is bad listen to that good guy he's a good guy and he's helping you WHY YOU NO LISTEN TO ME'. Evidently enough, I don't really go gaga over the text and said all that in one breathe, but yet it is what I felt like saying. 

And then yesterday, I was late for my Friday prayer, and had to like pray on the pavement outside of the mosque under the blazing sun. By that time also people are already done and are going out and about, when I finally realized that I have had went through it. In a dream!

I don't really know the science behind it. I mean, heck, is future-telling even a science? But one thing for sure, I've had them, and they are for real, and that they will just like flash in my eyes when I am going through it for real. One thing that really caught my eyes from my reading was that this precognitive dreams actually tells us what to expect, and with careful planning, might avoid going through such events. 

But I guess you don't really learn anything from dreams right? Thought so. 

Except for guys who had dreams about having a threesome with two hot models on a pavement of some hotel. That, my friends, must be learnt for future usage. 

And that is also a repressed desire, but who cares?!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


I don't really remember posting anything related to dreams before. I think so. I so human that I seems to forget almost everything once I'm done with it. 

Anyway so currently I have a couple of dreams. Like, I only have two dreams. Dreams that would require most of my time and probably destroy my life, but (as there is a silver lining to every cloud for no obvious reasons) might as well make me a better person in any possible way.

So let's go down the road to my dreams. DREAMS (that hopefully) DO COME TRUE.

#1 Opening a snack bar

I know. It sounds so wrong in so many way. First off I wanted to open a snack bar, and most of all the idea of the 'snack bar' itself seems wrong, and the worst part would be the word 'bar' in it, that'll probably suggest alcohol of any sort.

Nope. You're definitely wrong. My dream is to open something like McDonald's mini ice-cream shop. But what I'm going to sell there would be a totally new, revamped, reinvented, revitalised food item that I believe we Malaysian's can relate to. Well, I like to think so too. It has everything to do with ice-cream, and pretty much something to do with flour. 

Well so yeah. My first dream. If only I had the time, a RM 1,000,000 for my working capital worth of three months and also some RM 500,000 for my R&D of the product and shop, and also the effort to actually do all this, I might be better off without having to wait for the money from JPA.

#2 Writing a novel. A love, novel.

Well, if you're my HunnyBee, which probably you're not since there is only one and the hell I know what she's doing right now if not missing his last boy, you'd probably known this. I really like to write. And I LOVE NOVELS. Especially those novels that have certain depths. Something like the roller coaster ride where you have to be at least *insert height* tall to enter kind of thing, but the measuring tool is the plot and the roller coaster ride is the whole story itself. I love novels like that. I also love all Cecelia Aghern stories. She is by far the most talented writer I've ever read. Or I think she's in my 'Most Talented Writer EVER' list, which comes with no numbering. 

So back to my story, I would really love to write my own story. A story that is obviously what it is, a story. Mainly because I think way too much about something and somebody, sometimes because between thinking and actually doing something there is always this narrator inside my head (voice just like Smurf's Narrator) and tell me the alternate ending of what could have been if I chosen the other. Mostly because I really do like writing and talking. But most of all, because I don't have proper emotional output.

So I guess writing a novel would definitely be great. And for starters, I've joined LiveJournal. But I'm not sure how to go around and about yet, so until then, there shall be no more updates about this whole writing a novel on LiveJournal. Not just yet.

But if you like interested in knowing about my business idea and what is it really about and most of all you have the RM 1,500,000 that I practically ogling for, please, do tell me. I'll love you in more ways than you can possibly imagine. Rrrrr.. 

Thursday, September 29, 2011


I'd say today is equivalent to a very productive day in ShitVille. In a sense, making way too much shit is very productive.

But of course, we are, none the less, in a freaking real world, so making too much shit is pretty much equivalent to getting yourself fucked up in way too many wrong ways and end up dying alone. Sad, but mostly true. Generally speaking. Okay I need to shut up now.

You know what I wanted to talk about though? I was wandering what people had that I really wanted, oh so badly, but never once had the chance to do. It is inevitable that I have to explain the reason(s) as to why these stuffs are not accomplish-able by me, but I figured why tell the whole story when you can make 7 others. The very similar concept done in Harry Potter. 

I know I just killed a few of them with that last sentence. You're welcome.

*Ooh, long title*

#1 Be born and raised posh.

Okay I know, it is entirely wrong to place the work of God at blame, bla, bla, bla, I get it. But I guess it is entirely true. If I can, like say, choose which family that I am to be born into, I would have definitely check every possible details on a list of families that are doing great financially and choose the one that I think can survive, economically that is, in the harshest environment ever! Also the thought of having all the things you want, all at your disposal is indeed very intriguing. And oh the weekend activity! I can die young, dear Perry's Band!

#2 The looks.

And by looks it is not just any looks. I want the face of Micheal Fassbender, the body of Chris Evans, the smile of Elijah Wood, the sexy voice of Gregory Peck, the legs of Channing Tatum (just because he dance like there's no ones better than him. And I believe him), and the brilliant eyes of Lucy Hale - I know, she, well female, but I like her eyes, sort of greenish, something like the patches of green fungi you find in the woods where there's no man but you yourself. Gosh, I love her eyes. The point is, I would really love to have all of these features, but then again, it is because I don't have them that I yearned them.  

#3 Be naturally talented in music.

Of course that is impossible. But not quite true. I guess some people just know their way when it comes to music, some, unfortunately includes me, have to pace their way. Even up the first step of the ladder to success. So I guess if I was born with the brain for the notes I'd be pretty much happy. And of course way more happier than I will ever be. Probably. I know I'm happy now, and will always be happy, but that's beside the point.

#4 Awesome social skills.

This is sort of ridiculous. But I've always wished that I had like better social skill. I mean I know I'm doing well, I have no problem going to somewhere totally strange but not having any problems making friends (depending on the time I'll spent though, an hour is very unreasonable to make friends), and I do have many friends now. But it always catch me nowadays, whether my friend-making skill is enough or not, and the reason to it will lead to #5...

#5 Someone to love.

Yup. I think everybody have someone to love. And if your someone to love is your own family, I entrust you with a slap to your face. Because the thing is, I'm looking for someone new for me to love. I've always wondered how people find their loved ones. I mean, is it really that easy? Am I blind (funny I typed 'blonde' before fully realizing what I just did)? I sometimes find people very funny. People like those aged 10 to 16. Like what the heck, why do you need a lover? You're not even finished with puberty yet, power through it one by one can you? And up until now I have never had someone to hold hands with, never had someone to text to every freaking night, never had that someone whom I can give pet names and be nervous  whenever I'm close to that person. I just never had the chance. Or I'm probably am blind. Though I must say despite being illegally blind, I don't really care about the gender of my future 'someone to love', for I think I'm gender-blind. I feel bad for myself. 

#6 The brain.

I've just... I've always wished that I have the brain of someone very brilliant, someone like Einstein maybe. Heh, who am I joking?

#7 The perfect friend.

I know, I'm probably asking way too much in one post. First someone to love and now the perfect friend? Oh, if you don't know, your lover may or may not be the perfect friend. My version of perfect friend would be one that will never let you down in whatever that you do, no matter how stupid you'll look like. I know, this is like the most perfect thing yet the most impossible stuff to get, but I guess it is never wrong to dream, for thanks to dream, we can have all we wanted. But then again, even the most perfect (I don't know how is this possible) friend can be ruined if we ourselves are not trying to be the perfect one. So I guess I'll settled with I WANT TO BE *THE* PERFECT FRIEND. I don't care about either my friends can be perfect for me or not, but that is no reason as to why I shouldn't be one. Gosh this is way sadder than #5.


I think that is everything. Everything that I can wished for, but I probably have a small chance of actually having it, knowing that #1, #2, and #6 is entirely out of my reach. But I guess a small dream is never wrong. And with that, THE END.

P/s: I'm very sorry with the first few lines. I think I was under the influence of hormones, not that I know any reasons as to why I might have been influenced by it. Most probably it is the case of IMS. Most probably.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Ugh, if I am a parent (mind you, a. It is I, the single parent.) and this blog is my one and only child, I'd swear to you that I am the worst dad one could ever wished for. I'll be like going to the child's room, peeked in, as something like 'Are you still alive?', maybe go around and remind him that dinner is always in the freezer for no apparent reason, than I leave the room not forgetting to turn off the light and locked the door. Something like that.

*Inhaled deeply* I surely missed the blogosphere, that much I'm sure. I dunno what have kept me from this blog, but I am quite certain that 'me' had a part in it, and that sucks pretty well. I mean, I've always wanted to like do this blog thing right, but then again it is me again who went on and practically destroyed the whole dream of mine. So sad, yet so true.

I couldn't remember just how many drafts I have made - and rest assured I am pretty much lazy to actually go and check it - but I'm quite sure it is somewhere between 4 and the number after infinity. Which is a lot (I know). 

What else to say? Hrm, let's see. Humiliate yourself; checked! Reason with stupidity; checked! Oh right, my boring story regarding my boring life for the past 20 years.

Note: I know 20 years is an extraordinarily false account, but it seems to me that times do flow faster online than it did in the real world. I mean, somewhere like last couple of months, Blogger was a easy as fuck, now it is as hard as keeping the boner throughout the fuck. Not that I have had any, mind you. LOL :)

I faintly remember the last time I made my post, so I'm going back as far as May, so that I have a 4 months worth of stories to tell you guys! How exciting (not)! 

So let's see. In May, what happened? I was working I think. Oh wait that was much later! I was still in my foundation year, maybe somewhere in the final exam? Oh yeah, talking about finals I flunked it, and I flunked it hard! Ho-yeah! Especially my Chemistry paper thus the reason I was rejected from the medicine school in Monash, only to have me change program into the Psychological Science and Business.

Note: I can't help but feel somewhat déjà vu about this whole thing. Sigh.

Then in June is when I started working in Watsons. And by far it is the best working experience I've ever had - next with my 3-hours working experience in the insurance management company and the experience I had working in hell, literally. Okay I'm joking figuratively of course, but seriously everybody working in that shoe shop are freaking satan!

At first I thought that I'm going to work for Watsons like for another 7 months, only to have me cut down my working time frame to a month and a half thanks to my bad chemistry with Chemistry. I went back to school in July. I think studying in Monash is very challenging. And by challenging I mean 'I have a lot of free time to run around doing unimportant stuff rather than studying' challenging. My class schedule was so free that I practically can't stop borrowing iPads from the library and play the Tower Madness game. I. FREAKING. LOVE. GAMES! Especially tower defense game! I <3 them!

Anyway, back to the calendar. In August we started with our fasting, the month of Ramadhan. And this year around, some other illness came to me. I had some wind/gastritis problem. I told some of my girlfriends about it, and I regretted it. They actually equated my stomach ache as their PMS attack. In a very graphic manner. So now I practically know just how it felt to be having one, so don't go 'Oh you don't know how I feel' techniques with me ladies, for I, have had my graduation from the PMS sector, albeit the information are very general and not precise. 

Oh, I also ended up skipping 3 days of fasting, as recommended by the doctor. I had fun doing it, though. I felt somewhat daredevil, sneaking around with a pack of M&M in the side pocket of my sling bag, taking a piece at a time to my mouth. I actually did that not because I'm afraid that I'll get caught for skipping fasting by the JAKIM or whatnot; I actually had a really fun game trying to eat when nobody's around and/or looking at you eating. Hahahahaha me and my-silly-self.

In September, I saw many catastrophe. It seems like my studies is going downhill, and also my self-perceived self-worthiness. Oh, and during September my little-big-sister got a free notebook from Lenovo via the 1Malaysia campaign, only to find it broken after like 3 days after our housing area was struck with a flash flood.

The flood certainly came in a flash. Mom said that the flood was knee-high inside, and waist-high outside. And this was certainly the worst case ever happened to my housing area. Usually there will only be like 8 house affected by the flash flood. But this time around there was a total of 20 victims (houses, really). The aftermath was quite devastating, even for  myself.

The day of event, I was having only one class for the day. It was a Wednesday, a hump-day, and I have only one class. I told Mom that my class will be ending by 2, and solemnly said something about being back home after the class, somewhere around 4. By the time I reached Monash, rain started to pour down. Even after I finished class, the rain was still pouring. I don't know what to do, and my friend cordially invited me to go for a badminton session they having that evening. 

Apparently rain and badminton goes side-by-side. I went for the game. Initially I was just a by-stander, a single, cheering crowd if you may. But then, people started having trouble (my friend snapped her racket, while the other one had to go to the toilet) and out of nowhere I'm in a team, with a total stranger (to me of course, we had a mutual friend, it seems to be) battling for the title 'winning team'. 

After winning the title (yup, I won that game. I'm suprised myself!), I checked my phone for any news. Evidently enough, Mom called my once, and Dad called me four times. I called back, only to know that he's on his way back after knowing from Mom that our house is flooded. So I also ran back home. After that, we spent something like three days cleaning up the house. 

After that three days, Dad, Mom, my little-big-sister and I went to Penang for my cousin's wedding, along with my 2nd niece. We came back. We have nothing else happening. Me, on the other hand, met up with my old friend, went to her house, became her husband for a day (thanks to her Mom, I very much needed the attention anyway) and watched two movies with her, The Smurfs and Fright Night. Both a good movie. Oh and while spending time in her house waiting for the ever-late friends of ours, I fell in love with James McAvoy and Micheal Fassbender. And they are my current obsessions, if you may. I think the Internet also loves them.


And that is pretty much what happened to me these past 4 months. Exciting isn't it? Well yeah, this is a much deserving long update that my son 'Blog' need. I'm going to be a great Dad. All I need is a spouse. And I'm not even picky. Not even the sex. LOL kidding :) (am not).   

P/s: I have to admit. I stole the title from the only link I put in this post. I'm so sorry OP, but apparently it rhymes with my beginning paragraph and I thought it's cool. So yeah. Whatever.

Sunday, July 24, 2011


Somewhere around last week, Thursday I think, I went to this 'University Transitional & Assertiveness Workshop'. Don't get me wrong. I went there solely for the free refreshments. The workshops were broken to two parts, Transitional program and also Assertiveness workshop. I know, it's inevitable, I still pay attention even after setting my goals for the free food. 

Anyway I actually liked the Assertiveness Workshop. They actually touched a bit about personalities. So basically they are 3 different types of personalities, namely Aggressive, Passive, and Assertive. Aggressive people tend to shove ideas down people throats (read: Sadistic), Passive people tends to swallow what people are shoving down their throats (read: Masochist). Assertive, on the other hand, evaluates what they feel, see if there is any need to disagree with one's idea, then make a whole lot of shit out of it, and make up their decision.
So you'd know that it is always better to be assertive, rather than being a sadist or masochist. But I think there is always a limit to just how 'assertive' you can be. I mean, what if you are too adamant to not go to this party, that people actually see you as an 'Aggressive' person? Or maybe you are too willing to go bed with this handsome dude/pretty lady that they actually see you as a very 'Passive' (or maybe 'Needy') person? 
Well, that's for you to think. I'm here to talk about people I hate, as always.

I hate my little sister. She's 13, she's fat, and she's stupid. Yesterday she 'discussed' about getting herself a prepaid number and also a new phone for that number. She even went through this Court's mailer with a calculator, calculating just how much she needs to pay monthly. Of course, normal people can do it sans calculator.

What's more, she was actually mad that my Dad won't buy the phone on her behalf. Which is, of course reasonable. I mean, well, you are going to use Dad's money to buy the phone, why the heck do ayou want to trouble him more by forcing him to buy your phone? That's stupid. She even argued about my RM500.00 phone. Well, so sorry to break the news, I used the Rakyat's money to buy the phone, not my Dad's.

What trouble me is the fact that she doesn't really need any phone. I mean, well, if you really want to have a very private phone a.k.a. number, why don't you just buy a freaking number then just swap the SIM card? Isn't that the easiest way ever? I still remember when I'm 13, all I ever cared to have was a phone card, that you can use in a public phone. 

Of course, at that time I was in a boarding school, but that's beside the point.

I also don't seem to see the point of being able to show off your new phones to friend, when what really matter is that you can actually use the phone. I mean, come on, all Malaysian knew that the moment somebody (namely, teachers) caught you bringing your precious phones to school, they'll definitely confiscate your phone. So the safest place to actually use your phone is actually outside of school.
And tell, just how long do you have outside of school. In average, a Malaysian teenager that is studying under the Malaysian school system would have to spend at least 7 hours a day at school. A normal human would then spend at least 7 hours a day for sleep. School and sleep alone take up 14 hours of our 24 hours, and that leaves us with 10 hours left.

So are you going to tell me that you are going to utilise that 10 hours, solely for 'phone time'? That is bullshit. You would need to eat, at least 3 meals a day (I eat less than that, on weekly basis). You also need to bath, make yourself ready for whatever occasion (going to school maybe?), go outside and play (alternatively seat in front of the PC and play). All of these cost you your daily hours, and alternatively shortens the number of hours spent on your phone.

Well, at least that is my argument to my sister. She's just as stubborn as hell. 

Of course, if you have all the money in the world and need to have phones or else you're going to die, then go ahead, please yourself, and die peacefully. 
The end. I would really like to think of myself as a very non-assertive person, but not aggressive nor passive. I don't like something being shoved down my throat, or even the thought of shoving something down somebody's throat. But on the other hand, I don't always think about what I want, or what is good for me.

Of course, I can decide on my own, and based on my own opinion on whether it is great or not. THE END. Again. Daa~~